Fire in the hole and bun in the oven
If you are one of the lucky (and sneaky) bastards (you should be reading the next chapter…), who was so lucky that it happened very quickly, it is usual to feel surprised, scared and a bit cheated. Surprised that it happened so quick, scared that you just didn’t think you’d have to really think about being a dad just yet and cheated because you were hoping for a few months of unlimited sex.
It’s all a bit of the “grass being greener on the other side”. The reality is that if you really were ready to go then this is a great result! Most likely, you weren’t ready to become a dad, and you have got some serious mental denying to do. “I’ll think about it when the baby gets here” is a great one, as is, “geez Ive got stacks of work on”. But we’ll get to all of that later. To feel better about yourself ad your situation, read on and see what’s in store for those who will have to keep plugging away and you’ll be pleased as punch that you scored early.
On the practice range for several months
For a fit and healthy couple the average time to get pregnant is around 10 cycles (months that is). Every month you have a 20-30% chance of falling pregnant if all goes well.
For most of us mere mortals it will take some time and you may be in for a raft of possible emotions to deal with. After a few months baby making, sex can become routine, systemised and stressful so it pays to sit down before you start and plan how you are going to tackle the issue moving forward.
Do you want to know when she’s ovulating? Do you find listening to tales of mucous levels, internal temperature readings and ovulation windows titillating? Yes? OK, no more book for you.
No? I’m with you. Read on.
Many guys have told us stories about their wives becoming baby crazy once they start trying. Below is a list of common situation you may experience and some suggestions as to how best to deal with them.
She wants a statutory declaration that you 100% ready for kids
For many of us we can never truly say we are 100% ready. Personally I’m never 100% sure about anything including what beer I feel like at the pub, let alone being ready to be a dad. By being prepared to talk about
issues such as finances (wills, health insurance, budgets etc), maternity/paternity leave, life with a child, or anything like that… you will demonstrate that you are serious about kids. It’s very likely you’ll only be able to admit to being ‘as ready as you’ll ever be’ so there’s no need to feel bad about that.
It’s all about being honest and clear with your communication. You love your partner, you want to have a baby, and you want to learn as much as you can about becoming a great dad.
When hugging is a man’s best friend
There is some conjecture as to whether it’s beneficial for a woman to stay lying down for a few minutes after you’ve ejaculated. It’s certainly not going to hurt and it’s a good opportunity to remind her that you’re excited about becoming a dad or to talk her through your latest round of golf. She may want to hang upside down from the ceiling for an hour and if that’s the case then go grab a beer or nod off to sleep – you’re not a bat, there’s not much you can add from here and your job is done.
Well done, Stallion.
She becomes obsessed with identifying when she’s ovulating
It’s one thing to be obsessed, it’s entirely another to share the knowledge. Ask yourself (and her…) why is she telling you? Will it affect your game in any positive way? Talk of ovulation kits, thermometers to gauge internal temperature and an obsession with mucous consistency can arise. None of these make me feel particularly aroused and I’m sure I’m not alone. I’m not sure that men need to know exactly when our partners are ovulating, it seems to just build pressure. Commit to increasing your sexual activity to at least every other day and try to keep talk of ovulation windows to a minimum. Explain to her that you are happy to have sex up as much as possible until she falls pregnant but that you want it to be about being together NOT just for the sake of getting pregnant.
She wants a lot of sex in the ovulation window
It can be tough having to back up multiple times during the ovulation window. You’ll be expected to orgasm every time and it’s not always easy. Try mixing it up by trying different positions, rooms, times of the day, themes, wigs, roleplays – whatever it takes. Get creative and enjoy the fact that you are able to have loads of sex because once the baby comes along things will change for a while. Work out what’s best for you – every day or every other day....just be sure to be open and communicate with your partner about how you are feeling. If you are having regular sex you’re less likely to know which days are O days and therefore feel less pressured.
The thought of trying to get someone pregnant is difficult
You’ve spent your whole life trying not to get women pregnant. Don’t be surprised if at first it feels weird shooting live ammunition down range. Once again by not knowing which days you are in the ovulation window you can keep throwing stones and not think about the consequences of breaking the glass.
I don’t know quantum physics well, but I know Period = Tears
After a few months of trying she may start getting emotional when she gets her period. A typical blokes’ reaction is to say something like “she’ll be right” or “don’t worry love it will happen” but our research shows that what she really wants is simply for you to be sad too. If you’re not....don’t be frightened to pretend. Do not tell her to stop stressing and it will happen, that goes down like a squid jag in a beer.
One of my favourite pieces of advice is that women are not designed to be understood, they are designed to be loved. Work with what you know about women, and don’t try to convince them of what you think is logical or accurate. Empathise, play the game and live happier as a result.
Abstinence reduces sperm count
Studies show that abstaining from sex for 7 days or more can reduce your fertility. This is yet another reason to keep on the job throughout the month and not just in the fertile times.
If you’ve been on the job for six months or more, win a few brownie points by offering to have a sperm test. It’s basically a fully Federal and religiously sanctioned wank. All you need to do is go into your local hospital, view some free pornography and do what you do best. It’s a touch embarrassing having to hand over the specimen jar but let’s be honest nothing compared to what your partner will experience throughout conception, pregnancy and birth.